lately...

so, here lately things have been so busy...from school to work to family and friends. Everything seems to be falling in to place, the way they're supposed to be. I don't even know where to begin to explain all the feelings I have built up from so many different things. First off, I graduate in May. I'm so excited, I literally can not wait. I found out today that 75% of my final grade in one of my classes comes from the final exam. I kind of wanted to curl up in a ball and cry. I've come a long way to get to where I am and I won't let this stop me, but it does make me nervous.

Work is the same, as usual. I really do love my job but I don't love some of the customers that come a long with it. It gets so stressful and sometimes I feel like nothing I do there can please any of them. I guess that comes with working in a public place. I like being a pharmacy technician though, I feel like I'm making a difference. That place stresses me out though, and that's never a good thing. I'm glad I didn't pick pharmacy as my major or I'd really be in trouble. But instead, I picked medical coding/billing. I really do think I made the right decision. It's kind of like you're a detective and you have to figure out the answer.

As for my love life -- I'm not dating anyone right now. It's taken me a good while to get over the last relationship. I'm ready to move on now, that's for sure. I don't think anyone really knows how bad that affected me. What happened with the last one I mean. It's like I had to make myself stop loving someone who I cared deeply for and had no legit reason why. I'm such a sucker for love, and the way I was treated really knocked me down and kept me down for a while. I've never had to deal with that much of a heart break before. I feel like getting it off my chest now because I finally can. I feel like I knew what I wanted then, and now I know what I don't want as well. I always put 150% in relationships, they're the most important thing in life. Relationships in general, really. I don't really know what happened with this last break up, I never really got answers. I do know that I never did anything to deserve what I got. Never cheated, never lied. I wanted answers before, when I was so heart broken I couldn't eat, or go to work, or even spend time with friends, that's when I needed answers. But now, I don't want them. I just want to pick myself up and start over. I'm not one to jump in to a relationship, I take my time. I'm not out prancing the streets for anyone but if they come along I'll be healed up and ready for whatever God has in store for me next.

When you end a relationship with someone, you never really know how it affects them, in my case my ex just didn't care. Which is fine, that's who he is and I'm not gonna judge him for it...because he's a good person. Just wasnt good to me. But since I was treated like complete trash, I'm so careful to NOT do the same to anyone else. It's important to me about what people know and think about me, as bad as that sounds. I just want them to know the real me...not what they hear. I have the best friends, I couldn't ask for better. The ones you can call at two in the morning or show up at their apartment crying because I didnt want to be alone. The kind who understands what I talk about without having to really explain the situation. The kind who would text and call me every day to check on me. Just amazing people.

I watched twilight recently and fell in love with it of course. I'm so addicted. I'm team Edward, definitely. I like how protective they make his character. I guess that's what is so appealing to me. The feeling of being protected. My family says I'm picky because I've only had two serious boyfriends but I'm not really. I just know what I want. I want a best friend in a man, a good Christian man. I want someone I can talk to about anything, trust them with anything. Of course, feel like I'm safe with them. I want them to have themselves together, and make sure they know I'll help them if they need it. I want to laugh so hard my stomach hurts, and to have a sweet, faithful love. I don't think that's picky. I'm just a romantic, sue me. I think fights are okay sometimes because you get to make up after, I'd rather watch a movie at home with my love than go to a bar. Date nights are my favorite! Hm, whatever :)

I live a pretty interesting life, so I'm sure I'll have more to say.