Life Lessons

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

God has really shown me lately that sometimes he answers your prayers and sometimes He doesn't. When he does rejoice and when He doesn't rejoice anyway. He knows me better than I know myself, knows what is best for me and I know He works on his own time not mine.

I'm so rapped up in finishing school. It's going smooth so far. At first I was overwhelmed with everything I had to get done but it's calming down now and I'm getting in to the swing of things. Knowing in a few months that I'm going to start a new chapter in my life is so exciting. I have no idea where I'll be living, and that depends on where I get a job at. How crazy is that?! Not knowing where you'll be at. I would love to stay in Auburn but because so many people in coding already have families I know they aren't looking to relocate. I'm gonna put applications in around here anyway and see what happens. I really want to stay where I'm at. I'm also going to go towards the Atlanta area and down to Montgomery. Honestly, I won't be picky about where the job is. I have faith that God will provide one for me, as He always has provided for me.

I'm trying to not let the people that hurt me in the past impact me now. I've learned to let go of the people who don't care and keep the ones that do close to me. I feel more like myself than I have in the last couple of months. I had to learn who has my best interest at heart and who doesn't. It was a tough lesson for me but one that I learned with humility, and I'm thankful for that. Sometimes you have to make a complete fool of yourself to understand who and what is necessary in your life. I'm completely humbled by this and because of my struggles last year and how hard it was on me, there's no way I could ever forget what it has taught me. I know if I stay on the track I'm on, everything else will fall in to place, when it's time. That's hard for me especially, to be patient.

I have this idea in my head that my love life should be like a fairy tale and I don't mean perfect. I know there will be arguments and I'm fine with that, I know we won't agree on everything and I'm fine with that too. I guess my "fairy tale" is me wanting to be with a man who is faithful and honest. A man who takes my breath away, and loves God more than he loves me. I want something real. It's sad to say, but I'm realizing more and more each day that there aren't too many guys like that around anymore. I don't want a hook up, I want a lasting relationship. If you tell me, "It would be fun to hook up!" just walk away because I don't have what you're looking for. It's a shame that the sweet guys get wrapped up in the every guy sucks category. I know there are great guys out there and they are probably looking for the same thing I am looking for. They just come far and few in between, for me anyway.

Anyway, I'm just venting. I guess that's what a blog is for.

Proverbs 4:23

LAST SEMESTER OF COLLEGE. I can't even begin to explain how happy, excited, and anxious I am to start a new chapter in my life. I've been thinking about the Atlanta area, maybe Alpharetta, that's where my nanny lives. I want to be close enough to home where I can be there in a couple of hours. I'll probably end up changing my mind a hundred times between now and graduation but that's where I'm at right now. I'm definitely living by myself though. I've learned my lesson with roommates.

I can't believe Christmas is so close!! It's two Sundays away, wow!! I'm a little sad though because this weather we've been having is not making it feel like Christmas. I've been to fantasy in lights twice already though, and I really wanted to see the Nutcracker this year but it looks like I'm not going to get to. I'm looking forward to spending time with family and friends though, Christmas is always a special time of year. Remember the reason for the season!!

New Years is gonna be amazing though. Orlando is always fun this time of year. Judge me, but I'm so excited to visit the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. I'm overly excited :) not to mention its a new year, which means a new beginning. I don't want to make the same mistakes I made this year. Speaking of excitement-- I'm counting down to Opening Day of Braves baseball. I've been looking forward to this for months! Even before the season was over. April April April.

There's something that's been bothering me lately and I don't know what to do about it. I don't know how to get over the way I was treated in my last relationship. I think that's why I'm still single. I'm scared to be in another relationship because I don't want to deal with the same thing that happened before. I feel like its my fault, like I did something wrong. For all I know I could have. I don't know why I'm not okay and everybody else is. It's not that I want them back because I definitely don't, but I haven't accepted what hurtful things were said and the way I was treated. I guess I just need the right guy to come along to prove to me that not everyone is out to hurt me. I want to get over the feeling of someone making me feel worthless. I didn't realize it would still make me feel this way and effect me the way it has. I'm just gonna keep praying about it and concentrate on what is important to me.

Thankful

This year I have so much to be thankful for, so much has happened that has opened my eyes to different things, to embrace change. I'm thankful for my amazing family who is always there no matter what the circumstance. I'm so grateful to have a family like mine, I'm lucky. I'm thankful for my amazing friends. This year has been good, a life lesson type of year and my friends were there for me through it all. I don't know how I would have made it through without the inspirational words and love from them. Along with my family. I'm thankful they held me together when I was falling apart.

I'm thankful for my job. My irritating, fun job that makes me hate going in some days but makes me laugh so hard I cry on the others. I'm thankful I'm healthy, some people are so sick they can't get out of bed to spend this time with their loved ones and I can. And I'm grateful. I'm thankful for the Twilight movies that keep my faith in love alive, the way I feel it's supposed to be. I'm thankful for the way I view love and relationships because I feel it's the only way it should be.

I'm thankful for heartbreak, because without it I'd never learn from my mistakes. Or from other peoples. I'm thankful for grudges and Pinterest that help me get over the hurt that people have shown me this past year. I'm thankful for Auburn football, and Auburn itself. I'm thankful for football saturdays and tailgates. I'm thankful for life lessons and tests that God has thrown my way, for me to tell the ones who will hurt me and the ones who won't. The ones who have my best interest at heart and those who could care less. The people who will stay in my life forever and the ones who are passing through.

I'm thankful for my mom. She's a hard worker and always puts everyone else before herself. I love her. I'm thankful for my nanny who is the most amazing person I've ever known. A caring, southern woman who loves people for who they are. I'm thankful for my education and I'm thankful I'm almost done.

I'm thankful for this life I've been blessed with, I'm thankful I feel highly favored. I'm thankful I'm a Christian, I'm thankful I was taught the reason for the seasons. I'm thankful for Christmas. I'm thankful for faith and love.

...I'm thankful <3

Lessons

First of all, let me start off by saying 18 wheelers take up TOO MUCH of the interstate. Too much. Second, I was reminded (not that I didn't know before) that I'm mature for my age. Not that 22 year olds are immature, just that I want more than most 22 year olds want. Not in a greedy way but in a career and relationship way. I graduate in May, and I'm glad. I'm ready to start my career. I also realized that more and more I just want to help people. It makes me want to get another degree that's more involved with that. Not customer service type help, but like medical help. I definitely want a break from school, but maybe I'll add something to my list after I'm out for a little while. I want to make a difference. I just don't want to deal with the public, like wait on them. If I could find that job I'd be so completely satisfied.

With the relationship, I'm DEFINITELY not looking to get married tomorrow, but I don't want a short, meaningless relationship. I don't know that a relationship will last until I try, but I'm careful to date people I'm compatible with. But different. It keeps in interesting. I want to get a long like I do with my best friends, talk to about anything and not worry about being judged, and fight on occasion just so we can make up. I dont know, I feel like I'm weird. I feel like laying at home sometimes and watching movies and ordering a pizza. I wear my heart on my sleeve. Sometimes people can say things that really upsets me and I don't say anything about it. Like when people call me names for example. I try really hard to please everybody and when I don't it bothers me.

I hate when people assume they know things about you, like when they say things that they believe are true and it's completely false. Who you date or didn't date, how you feel or don't feel, what you should do and what people think you did. You dont know my life so don't you dare judge me for anything I do. I know everyone has an opinion on what they think is right but don't be a hypocrite, don't dish it out of you can't swallow it. Let's just get this straight -- I DO NOT sleep around. I DO NOT date all kinds of guys. I DO NOT drink every day. And I DO NOT care if anyone likes or doesn't like it. I care about how people think I carry myself, but I don't need your criticism.

I'm such a people person and I love making new friends. I have a lot of amazing friends that have truly blessed me. I can't even begin to describe how lucky I am :) ...I have this bad habit of not saying something about a situation when I really should. I don't let people run all over me but I feel like I should speak up more about the way I'm feeling. I kind of keep it inside, but like I said I have some wonderful people in my life I can vent to. Like with my whole lease/roommate situation. I always try to believe the best in everybody, and this time it's really come back to get me. It knocked me on my ass and was like what's up Michelle, what the heck are you thinking. Every one isn't a good person, and I have this bad habit of trusting people I shouldn't. I hate that too because I always thought I had pretty good judgement in people. They amaze me though. I should probably reevaluate who I put trust in, because this year especially I've had some serious disappointments. That's life I guess. I know God wouldn't give me anything He didn't think I could handle. Apparently He knows me better than I myself. I just pray about everything, and try not to worry about anything.

lately...

so, here lately things have been so busy...from school to work to family and friends. Everything seems to be falling in to place, the way they're supposed to be. I don't even know where to begin to explain all the feelings I have built up from so many different things. First off, I graduate in May. I'm so excited, I literally can not wait. I found out today that 75% of my final grade in one of my classes comes from the final exam. I kind of wanted to curl up in a ball and cry. I've come a long way to get to where I am and I won't let this stop me, but it does make me nervous.

Work is the same, as usual. I really do love my job but I don't love some of the customers that come a long with it. It gets so stressful and sometimes I feel like nothing I do there can please any of them. I guess that comes with working in a public place. I like being a pharmacy technician though, I feel like I'm making a difference. That place stresses me out though, and that's never a good thing. I'm glad I didn't pick pharmacy as my major or I'd really be in trouble. But instead, I picked medical coding/billing. I really do think I made the right decision. It's kind of like you're a detective and you have to figure out the answer.

As for my love life -- I'm not dating anyone right now. It's taken me a good while to get over the last relationship. I'm ready to move on now, that's for sure. I don't think anyone really knows how bad that affected me. What happened with the last one I mean. It's like I had to make myself stop loving someone who I cared deeply for and had no legit reason why. I'm such a sucker for love, and the way I was treated really knocked me down and kept me down for a while. I've never had to deal with that much of a heart break before. I feel like getting it off my chest now because I finally can. I feel like I knew what I wanted then, and now I know what I don't want as well. I always put 150% in relationships, they're the most important thing in life. Relationships in general, really. I don't really know what happened with this last break up, I never really got answers. I do know that I never did anything to deserve what I got. Never cheated, never lied. I wanted answers before, when I was so heart broken I couldn't eat, or go to work, or even spend time with friends, that's when I needed answers. But now, I don't want them. I just want to pick myself up and start over. I'm not one to jump in to a relationship, I take my time. I'm not out prancing the streets for anyone but if they come along I'll be healed up and ready for whatever God has in store for me next.

When you end a relationship with someone, you never really know how it affects them, in my case my ex just didn't care. Which is fine, that's who he is and I'm not gonna judge him for it...because he's a good person. Just wasnt good to me. But since I was treated like complete trash, I'm so careful to NOT do the same to anyone else. It's important to me about what people know and think about me, as bad as that sounds. I just want them to know the real me...not what they hear. I have the best friends, I couldn't ask for better. The ones you can call at two in the morning or show up at their apartment crying because I didnt want to be alone. The kind who understands what I talk about without having to really explain the situation. The kind who would text and call me every day to check on me. Just amazing people.

I watched twilight recently and fell in love with it of course. I'm so addicted. I'm team Edward, definitely. I like how protective they make his character. I guess that's what is so appealing to me. The feeling of being protected. My family says I'm picky because I've only had two serious boyfriends but I'm not really. I just know what I want. I want a best friend in a man, a good Christian man. I want someone I can talk to about anything, trust them with anything. Of course, feel like I'm safe with them. I want them to have themselves together, and make sure they know I'll help them if they need it. I want to laugh so hard my stomach hurts, and to have a sweet, faithful love. I don't think that's picky. I'm just a romantic, sue me. I think fights are okay sometimes because you get to make up after, I'd rather watch a movie at home with my love than go to a bar. Date nights are my favorite! Hm, whatever :)

I live a pretty interesting life, so I'm sure I'll have more to say.